Schoultz’s Lo-Fi Motel

Susan Boyle appeared into our collective consciousness looking like a cross between an inmates idea of a fairy godmother and a train wreck.  48 years old.  Never been kissed.  Learning disabilities as a child.  She stood under the lights and in front of the scrutiny of British judges of talent, not to mention the audience on Britains got Talent.  It looked bad, mighty, mighty bad.  On American Idol you may have to deal with Simon Cowell, but at least you got Paula Abdul for comfort.  Extra comfort the last few seasons when she appeared loopy on hillbilly junk.  Then you got Randy Jackson—bassist, session-man, one time member of Journey circa 1987.  He’ll try and be kind as well.  Then the other woman who joined this year that we or the show probably does not need.  I’m not sure what her claim to fame is.  Don’t exactly care, either.  But later about American Idol.  Let’s first talk about our allies in the U.K.  The point is, Susan Boyle stood looking as plain as only the plainest can look on stage in front of all UK judges.  And we all know the Brits can be as cutting as they can appear to be sophisticated.  Then Susan opened her mouth to let her spirit out and won a victory for every outcast regardless of ethnic origin or economic background or personal appearance.  Any kid who has ever been picked last for kick-ball rejoiced.  Any girl who spend all of her high school years never being asked out celebrated.  Any one who has never felt smart enough or good enough had to have raised a fist and yelled like a banshee before doing a victory dance that would have put most Native American warriors to shame.  Even Simon Cowell did a Grinch Finding The Spirit of Christmas number before the world’s eyes, thanks to the ‘net and YouTube in particular.

There may come a time we become bored with Susan Boyle whether she wins or not, but personally I’m not even close to being bored with her yet.  She is a hero to anyone who ever felt left out or neglected.  She understood the power of living out dreams.  That is something that we as a world culture are scarily losing despite the popularity of dubious books like The Secret.  Whether you agree with such publications is no matter.  What’s at stake is a cynical mindset that is rotting us or trying to on a daily basis.  So what do we have?  Well, popular Media diversion.  Christ!  That spells human and spiritual disaster, dosen’t it?  Well, actually here’s the upside.  And yes, this blog was actually planned with good news in mind.  Cynicism and irony belong in the ’90’s, afterall.  The upside is that reality talent shows offer up the best that we as a species have to offer.  Think I’m daft?  Consider:  Where else would a young man from my native U.S. state of Wisconsin, mere months after losing his wife to illness, use the thrust of personal tragedy to re-work the energy of pain in his favor and become a star, at least for a while.  And we as a collective whole got to witness it and celebrate with him, as we got to witness the swan awakening of Miss Susan B. via YouTube and the media.  Plus, competition shows like Survivor?  Crap.  Shows human beings benefiting by being devious, unscrupulous, calcullating and cold sons of bitches or simply bitches.  Tired.  Boring.  Old.  AI is all about the talent and eventually the opinions of the public.   

I work nights and don’t normally get to watch American Idol but rather catch clips and news off the internet.  I have to say that this season was the most interesting of the batch.  Adam Lambert was not the final winner, but perhaps that is as it should be.  He was a bit too glam and rock’n'roll and regardless of the current kingdom of hip-hop and sound-same dreck anything, with eyeliner and guitars behind it, will always be too dangerous if not unfashionable.  But don’t feel too bad for him.  His stardom is ready, hot, and waiting.  Indeed, most AI runners-up have fared much better than the eventual winners.  His energy and stage presence is undeniable.  I heard on the radio that Brian May has asked him to become the lead singer of Queen.  Is he a new Freddie Mercury?  Aw hell no!  Would he do better than Paul Rodgers?  Absolutely!  Give the boy the mike stand and the stage and let him tear things apart, I say.

In short, here are the reasons I’ve come to love the reality talent shows and how I feel they might just save the base of our better humanity:

1.  Susan Boyle.  She was not a glamour-puss.  Not even close.  I once criticized current pop culture as all appearance and no substance.  Hell, Simon Cowell himself proved me wrong, God bless him. 

2.  The Draw of The Underdog.  Danny Gokey of Milwaukee.  I weeped for him and his success.  Tragedy given to triumph.  We are Americans.  We love that shit and always will. 

3.  Cool appearances by rock/pop legends.  This is what gives these shows the Donny and Marie effect that prime time TV has been lacking for so, so long.  In essence, American Idol is a throw-back to the ’70’s variety shows that held American T.V. viewers in sway.  Kiss on prime time.  Queen on prime time.  Kanye West on prime time.  Prince on prime time.  This IS an important part of our rock’n'roll culture.  I’m dating myself here, but I can remember watching Alice Cooper on the Muppet Show and Kiss on a Paul Lynde Halloween special on ABC.  Is American Idol cheesy?  God, yes!  As cheese-filled as any Wisconsin convenience store/gas station.  But so was American Bandstand and other ’60’s pop music programs and I recall more than a few musical heavyweights appearing on them without any hang-ups.

4.  Family time.  Families tend to agree upon these shows.  See above comments in order to get an amen from the choir.

5.  The Clay vs. Adam Bitch-fest.  Yeah, okay, it isn’t exactly life-affirming or elegant, but hell, we are still Americans and we still are entranced with a righteous feud now and then.

I’m not sure how long my sudden affair with reality televisions talent fests will last, but I can say that I have observed it and fell into cautious love with it in what I have to consider it’s golden age (2009).  Is it Rock’n'Roll?  Well, actually, it can be, without a doubt.  Not that it always has to be, but that mere sliver of defiance and deviance from the expected songbook certainly pulls towards a R’n'R favor and flavor.  Perhaps the death of any popular culture is to take it too seriously.  With American Idol and Britain has Talent perhaps we have found a life-line. 

Perhaps. 

Perhaps these prime time talent fests will replensish what I once mourned they would undo.  Maybe they will awaken us to our talents, our individuality and eventually once again our humanity.